I'm trying to be a non smoker. But occasionally at lunchtime in work I duck out to the nearest shop and buy a pack of 10. No will power!
It's only a short drive along a country road, sometimes I'll stop at a lay-by that's en route and smoke 2 or 3 over a quarter of an hour or so - mostly to not be seen smoking at work.
Away today I pulled in and another car was also parked facing mine. The lay-by has a section of trees sep erasing it from the road so it's a bit secluded if you park in the middle. The other car was maybe 40-50 feet from mine and the male driver was apparently hugging the female passenger. I thought no more of it and lit a cigarette, started reading blogger on my phone.
When I looked up I realised they weren't just hugging, there was some serious making-out going on. So over the next few minutes every time I looked up they were still going for it. Good for them! Again I ignored them. A few minutes later their engine starts, they drive forwards past me, and then stop about 20 feet from me and 20 feet from the entrance/exit of the lay-by, facing toward the oncoming traffic that occasionally comes down the road.
Odd. Maybe they thought I was watching.
My car has a tinted rear screen and the position of the sun meant that in my rear view mirror I could see their silhouettes moving behind the silhouette of their car seats. Presumably they couldn't see me at all.
Clearly more kissing, then her head appears to go into his lap (from the movement of her head and upper body that I could see).
Surely not? Parked where they were at the entrance to the lay-by they were in full view of the road. I guess a passing car would just see the guy but a truck driver with his higher ride hight would see it all!
Thought I must be imagining it. I'm on my 4th cigarette by now, watching in the mirror. She sits up and suddenly she climbs over from passenger to drivers seat, her long hair silhouette thrown back as she's obviously straddling him with her shoulders slightly hunched. Seriously!?
She starts to rise and fall and the whole care starts to rock, she hunches down while she's doing it, probably to kiss him. I'm getting an erection sat in my car.
This goes on for a few minutes. Cars are passing on the road, there's no way people aren't seeing this.
She climbs off him, her shadow moving back to the passenger seat, but she's now pressed up against the door on her side raised up, her head pressing against the roof of the car. The shadow of his upper body drops down into the passenger seat. I keep thinking that she's looking in my direction but can't tell.
At this point a big truck pulls into the lay-by at their end and passes them and then me. I tried to see if I could see the driver, read his expression and see if he saw them - but I couldn't.
It was getting late, my 10 minute stop had turned into 30, so I started my engine and drove away to the other end of the lay-by which I was facing. I did a U turn to drive back up the road past them by which point I could clearly see her sat passenger side and him leaning right over as they were back to making out. I wondered how much of her pussy she could taste as I drove back to another dull afternoon at work.
Thursday, 27 October 2016
Monday, 24 October 2016
Random HIV test
Ok so not exactly 'random'.
I've written before about the time D and I went to a swingers club and ended up playing with a guy. This was 18 months ago.
D lay on the bed almost naked (with just a basque pulled down to her waist) with me and another guy (let's call him Z) laying either side of her full clothed. He was mid thirties and on the other side of the bed was the woman he'd arrived with who was mid 40's. She was with another woman who she'd just met and they were both naked from the waist down.
We three had gatecrashed their room looking for some privacy, they'd been having sex for the last hour and agreed to let us share the room since they were taking a break. While we got through that awkward period before someone gets naked Z asked his partner how she was doing. "She made me squirt!" was the reply, and he quickly made his own attempt to achieve the same, giving her a very hard, deep and rapid fingering while she sat there with legs parted.
It made me harder as I watched. D was sat next to me watching too. I pulled her basque down a little, exposed her left breast, and leaned down to suck it gently. She lay back onto the bed and Z returned to her other side, slowly touching her through the basque. I pulled it down on his side, inviting him to participate.
We sucked and kissed her breast together for a while - I looked up occasionally to watch; D is very pale skinned and Z was very black... The contrast was beautiful.
I began to rub D's mound, frst through her trousers and then with hand down the front of them. She seemed to be enjoying, so I unbuttoned and unzipped her. She seemed to resist briefly as I tried to pull them down (later telling me that she didn't want them removed), but as I wriggled them down she lifted her bum up from the bed to assist. I pulled them off her and returned to kissing her nipple, while gently massaging her clit.
We kissed a few times and I switched my attention back and forth between kissing, sucking her breast and watching my hand on her pussy. Z's hand was slowly stroking her inner thigh - his black on her pale cream looked amaxing and without a second thought my hand left D's pussy and landed on top of his, gently lifting it and placing in onto her.
The next few minutes were among the horniest of my life. I watched this complete stranger rub my darling wife's pussy, then gently finger her, and finally give her the same rapid fingering that I'd watched him perform on his partner. Hard-and-fast wasn't usually D's thing, but it was really working for her now - she started to moan, short little breathy moans with each thrust of his fingers. I watched her face and the penetration - back and forth - her eyes closed and she lay there but eventually opened and looked up at me. The look on her face drove me wild.... "You know that look on your wife's face when a total stranger is fingering her and she's close to orgasm?" Yeah I suppose not many people would get that reference!
But I loved it. She had that blissed out look on her face, I was convinced she was cumming (though she later said she hadn't cum at all, just really enjoyed it) and it drove me wild. Another man making D cum? Fuck, I wanted to see that.
Her eyes drifted towards Z and again without thinking I whispered in her ear "You can kiss him if you like"
I lay there and watched, now just an observer as they snogged. The fingering picked up pace even more, his fingers in her pussy and now his tongue in her mouth. Again the black on pale white contrast looked amazing.... I wanted to see him naked alongside her. Ontop of her. Wanted to see his black cock pushing in between her pale thighs. I also wanted for my tongue to join theirs for a three way kiss - but we'd already established that he was straight so that wasn't on the cards.
But at that point I was dying for her to look at me and between moans breath "Can I fuck him?" I would have agreed in a heartbeat. But instead he started to move down her body, like he was going to go down on her and she stopped it. D finds oral very personal and I think we'd found the line for the evening.
And that was the end of our playtime. Well, they snogged again at the end of the evening before we left - I was sorting out a taxi so wasn't around at the time, D was worried that I'd be angry when she told me later but I reassured her it was fine.
So why am I reliving this tale today?
Since that evening over 18 months ago I've had this nagging worry about the tiny risk of HIV infection. Z had given his partner and then D a pretty rough fingering with the same hand which could easily have caused a small tear in both of them. I wasn't even thinking when I placed his hand on her...
I've been telling myself it's negligible risk but it's been bugging me for over a year.
So last week I ordered a free HIV test online from a UK AIDS charity - there's no way that between then and now I wouldn't also be infected so I took the test. A few drops of blood into a vial and back in the post last wednesday; free and anonymous to anyone who ticks the 'MSM' box.
I'd planned on telling D about it over the weekend while waiting for the result, but they turned out to be far more efficient than expected - texting me end of day Friday with the result.
I waited most of the weekend to discuss with D but there wasn't really an opportune moment. We'd discussed the risk we'd taken just after the event but not really since... How do you drop into the conversation "by the way I took an aids test"?
So last night I decided to just come out with it. I wasn't sure if she'd had the same worry all along but it turned out she hadn't - "Did he finger her first then?" She'd forgotten! Though we did talk about it at the time so she had known about it.
Result? All clear :)
I've written before about the time D and I went to a swingers club and ended up playing with a guy. This was 18 months ago.
D lay on the bed almost naked (with just a basque pulled down to her waist) with me and another guy (let's call him Z) laying either side of her full clothed. He was mid thirties and on the other side of the bed was the woman he'd arrived with who was mid 40's. She was with another woman who she'd just met and they were both naked from the waist down.
We three had gatecrashed their room looking for some privacy, they'd been having sex for the last hour and agreed to let us share the room since they were taking a break. While we got through that awkward period before someone gets naked Z asked his partner how she was doing. "She made me squirt!" was the reply, and he quickly made his own attempt to achieve the same, giving her a very hard, deep and rapid fingering while she sat there with legs parted.
It made me harder as I watched. D was sat next to me watching too. I pulled her basque down a little, exposed her left breast, and leaned down to suck it gently. She lay back onto the bed and Z returned to her other side, slowly touching her through the basque. I pulled it down on his side, inviting him to participate.
We sucked and kissed her breast together for a while - I looked up occasionally to watch; D is very pale skinned and Z was very black... The contrast was beautiful.
I began to rub D's mound, frst through her trousers and then with hand down the front of them. She seemed to be enjoying, so I unbuttoned and unzipped her. She seemed to resist briefly as I tried to pull them down (later telling me that she didn't want them removed), but as I wriggled them down she lifted her bum up from the bed to assist. I pulled them off her and returned to kissing her nipple, while gently massaging her clit.
We kissed a few times and I switched my attention back and forth between kissing, sucking her breast and watching my hand on her pussy. Z's hand was slowly stroking her inner thigh - his black on her pale cream looked amaxing and without a second thought my hand left D's pussy and landed on top of his, gently lifting it and placing in onto her.
The next few minutes were among the horniest of my life. I watched this complete stranger rub my darling wife's pussy, then gently finger her, and finally give her the same rapid fingering that I'd watched him perform on his partner. Hard-and-fast wasn't usually D's thing, but it was really working for her now - she started to moan, short little breathy moans with each thrust of his fingers. I watched her face and the penetration - back and forth - her eyes closed and she lay there but eventually opened and looked up at me. The look on her face drove me wild.... "You know that look on your wife's face when a total stranger is fingering her and she's close to orgasm?" Yeah I suppose not many people would get that reference!
But I loved it. She had that blissed out look on her face, I was convinced she was cumming (though she later said she hadn't cum at all, just really enjoyed it) and it drove me wild. Another man making D cum? Fuck, I wanted to see that.
Her eyes drifted towards Z and again without thinking I whispered in her ear "You can kiss him if you like"
I lay there and watched, now just an observer as they snogged. The fingering picked up pace even more, his fingers in her pussy and now his tongue in her mouth. Again the black on pale white contrast looked amazing.... I wanted to see him naked alongside her. Ontop of her. Wanted to see his black cock pushing in between her pale thighs. I also wanted for my tongue to join theirs for a three way kiss - but we'd already established that he was straight so that wasn't on the cards.
But at that point I was dying for her to look at me and between moans breath "Can I fuck him?" I would have agreed in a heartbeat. But instead he started to move down her body, like he was going to go down on her and she stopped it. D finds oral very personal and I think we'd found the line for the evening.
And that was the end of our playtime. Well, they snogged again at the end of the evening before we left - I was sorting out a taxi so wasn't around at the time, D was worried that I'd be angry when she told me later but I reassured her it was fine.
So why am I reliving this tale today?
Since that evening over 18 months ago I've had this nagging worry about the tiny risk of HIV infection. Z had given his partner and then D a pretty rough fingering with the same hand which could easily have caused a small tear in both of them. I wasn't even thinking when I placed his hand on her...
I've been telling myself it's negligible risk but it's been bugging me for over a year.
So last week I ordered a free HIV test online from a UK AIDS charity - there's no way that between then and now I wouldn't also be infected so I took the test. A few drops of blood into a vial and back in the post last wednesday; free and anonymous to anyone who ticks the 'MSM' box.
I'd planned on telling D about it over the weekend while waiting for the result, but they turned out to be far more efficient than expected - texting me end of day Friday with the result.
I waited most of the weekend to discuss with D but there wasn't really an opportune moment. We'd discussed the risk we'd taken just after the event but not really since... How do you drop into the conversation "by the way I took an aids test"?
So last night I decided to just come out with it. I wasn't sure if she'd had the same worry all along but it turned out she hadn't - "Did he finger her first then?" She'd forgotten! Though we did talk about it at the time so she had known about it.
Result? All clear :)
Monday, 3 October 2016
Cuckolding
I've become a little fascinated with the whole idea of cuckolding.
It's definitely not for me, but I do understand the attraction... at least up to a point.
The idea of going out to a club or wherever with D, her picking a guy, flirting with him, telling me that he's coming home with us and then getting fucked senseless by him in front of me is quite a turn on. Probably because I do like to be dominated a little, and because it's something that would be so out of character for her (her self confidence is nowhere near that high).
That said, I'd have a hard time resisting the urge to join in - most cuck guys are straight it seems, but I'd want my share of the cock too! I guess this means I'd love the above scenario except she's picked a guy for us both to share.
There's more to cuckolding than just watching your partner with someone else though - it seems for many there's an aspect of being humiliated by it that turns them on, and that's where my understanding stops. Ok, probably not true: I understand their arousal and it's a situation that might work as a fantasy situation for me as a one off... being told his cock's bigger than mine, he makes her cum so quickly, etc. Could be quite exciting.
But a regular thing? A way of life? I'm positive it'd make me feel awful to be constantly degraded.
I subscribe to a blog on here by a "sissy cuck" who's private life is composed entirely of dressing in sexy girly clothes, doing his wife's bidding and being locked up in a chastity device - being denied pleasure. The first part I completely get - I love cross dressing and being dominated. I'm not sure I could do it full (private) time but maybe. But the chastity part? There's no way I could deny my own pleasure so that just seems totally alien to me. I'm not judging or anything, whatever works for consenting adults is fine with me. I just don't get it!
I guess the pleasure that the sissy gets from everything else trumps the physical side - and I think that's fundamentally what I don't get. The pleasure that I get from my genitals (I've just realised that I now include my rear as part of my gentials!) overides anything psychological and I can't understand any deviation from that.
I subscribe to another blog, someone who shares his wife with his friends. A "hotwife". There's no degradation involved - she has sex with other guys and sends him pictures during the act, tells him all about it afterwards (usually when they're having sex together). He actually arranged her first encounter without her knowledge, conspiring with his friend to engineer the situation, but she was happy to participate and now has a few other guys.
That's a situation I can totally understand, though again I think my bi-ness would want me to be involved in the act. Not jealously, just physically wanting to share the guy with her because I like guys too. Though I do wonder about jealousy... We invited a guy to join us on the bed during the one trip to a swingers club that we've had and they kissed while he fingered her. I felt a bit weird about the whole thing the following week but got past it (it was a mix of arousal and jealousy throughout and finally the arousal battered the jealousy into submission!)
I'm now genuinely sure I wouldn't feel bad if she did more with someone. And obviously very turned on by the idea :)
It's definitely not for me, but I do understand the attraction... at least up to a point.
The idea of going out to a club or wherever with D, her picking a guy, flirting with him, telling me that he's coming home with us and then getting fucked senseless by him in front of me is quite a turn on. Probably because I do like to be dominated a little, and because it's something that would be so out of character for her (her self confidence is nowhere near that high).
That said, I'd have a hard time resisting the urge to join in - most cuck guys are straight it seems, but I'd want my share of the cock too! I guess this means I'd love the above scenario except she's picked a guy for us both to share.
There's more to cuckolding than just watching your partner with someone else though - it seems for many there's an aspect of being humiliated by it that turns them on, and that's where my understanding stops. Ok, probably not true: I understand their arousal and it's a situation that might work as a fantasy situation for me as a one off... being told his cock's bigger than mine, he makes her cum so quickly, etc. Could be quite exciting.
But a regular thing? A way of life? I'm positive it'd make me feel awful to be constantly degraded.
I subscribe to a blog on here by a "sissy cuck" who's private life is composed entirely of dressing in sexy girly clothes, doing his wife's bidding and being locked up in a chastity device - being denied pleasure. The first part I completely get - I love cross dressing and being dominated. I'm not sure I could do it full (private) time but maybe. But the chastity part? There's no way I could deny my own pleasure so that just seems totally alien to me. I'm not judging or anything, whatever works for consenting adults is fine with me. I just don't get it!
I guess the pleasure that the sissy gets from everything else trumps the physical side - and I think that's fundamentally what I don't get. The pleasure that I get from my genitals (I've just realised that I now include my rear as part of my gentials!) overides anything psychological and I can't understand any deviation from that.
I subscribe to another blog, someone who shares his wife with his friends. A "hotwife". There's no degradation involved - she has sex with other guys and sends him pictures during the act, tells him all about it afterwards (usually when they're having sex together). He actually arranged her first encounter without her knowledge, conspiring with his friend to engineer the situation, but she was happy to participate and now has a few other guys.
That's a situation I can totally understand, though again I think my bi-ness would want me to be involved in the act. Not jealously, just physically wanting to share the guy with her because I like guys too. Though I do wonder about jealousy... We invited a guy to join us on the bed during the one trip to a swingers club that we've had and they kissed while he fingered her. I felt a bit weird about the whole thing the following week but got past it (it was a mix of arousal and jealousy throughout and finally the arousal battered the jealousy into submission!)
I'm now genuinely sure I wouldn't feel bad if she did more with someone. And obviously very turned on by the idea :)
Monday, 26 September 2016
Horny dreams again
I woke to the sound of my youngest needing attention again, but it was with a big smile on my face.
I'd been mid-dream and remembered most of it for a change.
Not entirely sure how it began but found myself in an anonymous bedroom. On the bed lay D, on her back with legs spread wide. Between them lay a lovely slim male body, short brown hair and pert bum. I later recognised him as a guy we'd been discussing on Sat day night when we had a rare evening out at a comedy club. Personality-wise he wasn't either of our types, but D summarised him as "the closest to our joint profile" that we'd seen. I was quite pleased that she's thinking in those terms these days!
Anyway, the dream. His hips were moving and they were kissing which was muffling the moans she was making. She was clearly cumming and it drove me wild to watch. If/when we finally do this for real I'd love to video the first time that I see her orgasm with another guy.
So I'm sat alongside them, can't see their point of penetration due to their position but mentally picture his cock rubbing her clit in that way that brings her off. I start to stroke the cheeks of his ass then half-lay alongside, my mouth joining theirs for a three way kiss.
He raises his torso up on his arms and I crained my neck a little - the gap between their bodies allowed me to look down D's curvy body, past her breasts which were jiggling a little with their movement, down her belly to her smooth shaven mound. At this angle I couldn't see her pussy per-se, but could see his cock as it withdrew from her and then plowed back in. No condom, I licked my lips with anticipation and right on cue he started to cum.
He pushed deep and groaned a little, lowering himself once more onto her and kissed her again. It only lasted a second though, as he raised his head back up and brought it down to my face. And then we snogged while he pumped the last of his cum into my wife. I ached with lust.
Then without anyone saying a word he rolled off her to the other side of the bed and she began rubbing her clit in slow circular motions. I moved, stood first and went to the bottom of the bed, climbed onto all fours first then hunkered down onto my elbows while still on my knees with bum in the air. I kissed her inner thigh, ran my tounge up her leg and shuffled forward up the bed a little.
I could smell his boy-cum mixed with her girl-cum just inches from my face but didn't look immediately. But when I did.... It was beautiful. Her glistening pink lips were parted and a dollop of white was dribbling from her little hole. I couldn't hold back any longer. I ran my tounge from bottom to top (almost literally), lapping up that first drizzle of cum. It tasted like honey (hey, it was a dream!) and D did that thing with her muscles, pushing the juice out of her in slow waves which I first lapped at but then clamped my mouth over her slit as she disgorged their combined fluid into my mouth.
At the same time, in an unrealistic feat of repeat performance, he was hard again - I felt he kneeling behind me and his solid cock resting in the crack of my bum. All slippery and ready, lubed with their cum, he expertly found my opening and I took him inside me with ease.
He started slow but quickly increased the pace until he was fucking me hard. I felt D's fingers attending to her clit under my nose as I continued to lick her. She started to cum while she watched this guy bareback fucking her husband...
...and then I woke up.
Back in the real world - bareback sex? Maybe one day when we know someone well enough, but if/when we do this it'll be safe sex only at least for a very long time. And the guy -he *had* been quite cute, though was a friend of the friend we were out with so would definitely have been too close to home. Though now that we've identified "our type"... we need to find one who's bi and invite him to join us! How hard can that be? :)
I'd been mid-dream and remembered most of it for a change.
Not entirely sure how it began but found myself in an anonymous bedroom. On the bed lay D, on her back with legs spread wide. Between them lay a lovely slim male body, short brown hair and pert bum. I later recognised him as a guy we'd been discussing on Sat day night when we had a rare evening out at a comedy club. Personality-wise he wasn't either of our types, but D summarised him as "the closest to our joint profile" that we'd seen. I was quite pleased that she's thinking in those terms these days!
Anyway, the dream. His hips were moving and they were kissing which was muffling the moans she was making. She was clearly cumming and it drove me wild to watch. If/when we finally do this for real I'd love to video the first time that I see her orgasm with another guy.
So I'm sat alongside them, can't see their point of penetration due to their position but mentally picture his cock rubbing her clit in that way that brings her off. I start to stroke the cheeks of his ass then half-lay alongside, my mouth joining theirs for a three way kiss.
He raises his torso up on his arms and I crained my neck a little - the gap between their bodies allowed me to look down D's curvy body, past her breasts which were jiggling a little with their movement, down her belly to her smooth shaven mound. At this angle I couldn't see her pussy per-se, but could see his cock as it withdrew from her and then plowed back in. No condom, I licked my lips with anticipation and right on cue he started to cum.
He pushed deep and groaned a little, lowering himself once more onto her and kissed her again. It only lasted a second though, as he raised his head back up and brought it down to my face. And then we snogged while he pumped the last of his cum into my wife. I ached with lust.
Then without anyone saying a word he rolled off her to the other side of the bed and she began rubbing her clit in slow circular motions. I moved, stood first and went to the bottom of the bed, climbed onto all fours first then hunkered down onto my elbows while still on my knees with bum in the air. I kissed her inner thigh, ran my tounge up her leg and shuffled forward up the bed a little.
I could smell his boy-cum mixed with her girl-cum just inches from my face but didn't look immediately. But when I did.... It was beautiful. Her glistening pink lips were parted and a dollop of white was dribbling from her little hole. I couldn't hold back any longer. I ran my tounge from bottom to top (almost literally), lapping up that first drizzle of cum. It tasted like honey (hey, it was a dream!) and D did that thing with her muscles, pushing the juice out of her in slow waves which I first lapped at but then clamped my mouth over her slit as she disgorged their combined fluid into my mouth.
At the same time, in an unrealistic feat of repeat performance, he was hard again - I felt he kneeling behind me and his solid cock resting in the crack of my bum. All slippery and ready, lubed with their cum, he expertly found my opening and I took him inside me with ease.
He started slow but quickly increased the pace until he was fucking me hard. I felt D's fingers attending to her clit under my nose as I continued to lick her. She started to cum while she watched this guy bareback fucking her husband...
...and then I woke up.
Back in the real world - bareback sex? Maybe one day when we know someone well enough, but if/when we do this it'll be safe sex only at least for a very long time. And the guy -he *had* been quite cute, though was a friend of the friend we were out with so would definitely have been too close to home. Though now that we've identified "our type"... we need to find one who's bi and invite him to join us! How hard can that be? :)
Monday, 19 September 2016
What does 'bisexual' mean anyway?
I've pondered on this a lot over the years.
Am I bisexual? I identify as such - I like having sex with men and women after all - but is that all there is to it?
I almost never look at a guy on the street and think "he's hot", but do maybe several times a day with women. But then seeing naked or scantily clad bodies, like the swimming at this year's Olympics, I'm equally drawn.
Does this just mean that men's clothing is simply far less flattering than women's? But it's not just the clothed/naked body - I'll often see a girl and think she's facially very pretty, but far less often with guys (almost never).
Yes, I know about the Kinsey scale and people will lean more one way than the other, but I've always felt that my attraction to men is completely physical - body physical, not facially or emotionally. Would I be incapable of having an emotional relationship with a guy? I've had an almost equal number of male partners to female and only once I ever even entertained the idea of a boyfriend. That was one guy who I fucked (actually he fucked me) a few times over a weekend while I was single after my divorce. We'd met online, he came round to my place a few times, said he was bi and recently split with his GF - but after the weekend he messaged me and said he was back with his ex and it'd all been a silly mistake. I surprised myself by the Sunday that I was imagining scenarios where I was introducing him to friends etc. But that was the only time I ever considered a male partner. Is it because the majority of my male sexual encounters were literal one night stands who I never saw again?
I don't think I'd have an issue socially with having a male partner, anyone who had a problem with it I simply would have disconnected from (neither of my parents are still alive; I don't know what my dad's opinion would have been but my mum outright told me that she wouldn't care at all if I was gay). Infact I came out to all of my close friends in the months after splitting from my ex, partly because I was anticipating the possibility of a boyfriend and wanted to avoid surprises if I turned up to a party etc with a guy in tow.
But then there's the question of gender identity. As I've mentioned before, I do enjoy wearing girlie clothes and feeling feminine. I don't want a sex change or to live as a woman (though have regular dreams about being one) but I do recognise that a part of my bi side relates to my desire to be treated like a woman. Being picked up at a gay club and taken home to be fucked by a more dominant guy is probably the best memory I have from my period of singleness after my ex wife. Do I lust for the male anatomy just to satisfy my female side?
I've read about the Kinsey Scale, the Klein Orientation grid and Parks' Purple/Red Scale of Attraction. Bejamin's scale attempts to address trans sexuality, but there doesn't seem to be a complete, unifying scale/system/whatever to clasify my feelings. I'm a (I think) bisexual man who leans more towards women, but with a guy I want to *be* the female side of the equation rather than just a man having sex with a man. The crossdressing just adds to that - makes me feel more feminine - but male sex for me is about being passive, a little dominated.
So the next question is: does it matter? Whether I'm bi or just a pretty much straight guy who likes the male body (in particular the cock) - does it matter?
To a certain extent yes, to me it does. After my teens and wrestling with my feelings about guys, finally accepting (and then feeling comfortable) with the label "bi", and then in recent years wondering if there's even more to it that that? I guess it's that part of me that wants to know "where I belong", to not feel like I'm on my own. Sure there are trans folk, gay folk, bi... I've just never met anyone "just like me". I'd love to - and not just for sex!
Am I bisexual? I identify as such - I like having sex with men and women after all - but is that all there is to it?
I almost never look at a guy on the street and think "he's hot", but do maybe several times a day with women. But then seeing naked or scantily clad bodies, like the swimming at this year's Olympics, I'm equally drawn.
Does this just mean that men's clothing is simply far less flattering than women's? But it's not just the clothed/naked body - I'll often see a girl and think she's facially very pretty, but far less often with guys (almost never).
Yes, I know about the Kinsey scale and people will lean more one way than the other, but I've always felt that my attraction to men is completely physical - body physical, not facially or emotionally. Would I be incapable of having an emotional relationship with a guy? I've had an almost equal number of male partners to female and only once I ever even entertained the idea of a boyfriend. That was one guy who I fucked (actually he fucked me) a few times over a weekend while I was single after my divorce. We'd met online, he came round to my place a few times, said he was bi and recently split with his GF - but after the weekend he messaged me and said he was back with his ex and it'd all been a silly mistake. I surprised myself by the Sunday that I was imagining scenarios where I was introducing him to friends etc. But that was the only time I ever considered a male partner. Is it because the majority of my male sexual encounters were literal one night stands who I never saw again?
I don't think I'd have an issue socially with having a male partner, anyone who had a problem with it I simply would have disconnected from (neither of my parents are still alive; I don't know what my dad's opinion would have been but my mum outright told me that she wouldn't care at all if I was gay). Infact I came out to all of my close friends in the months after splitting from my ex, partly because I was anticipating the possibility of a boyfriend and wanted to avoid surprises if I turned up to a party etc with a guy in tow.
But then there's the question of gender identity. As I've mentioned before, I do enjoy wearing girlie clothes and feeling feminine. I don't want a sex change or to live as a woman (though have regular dreams about being one) but I do recognise that a part of my bi side relates to my desire to be treated like a woman. Being picked up at a gay club and taken home to be fucked by a more dominant guy is probably the best memory I have from my period of singleness after my ex wife. Do I lust for the male anatomy just to satisfy my female side?
I've read about the Kinsey Scale, the Klein Orientation grid and Parks' Purple/Red Scale of Attraction. Bejamin's scale attempts to address trans sexuality, but there doesn't seem to be a complete, unifying scale/system/whatever to clasify my feelings. I'm a (I think) bisexual man who leans more towards women, but with a guy I want to *be* the female side of the equation rather than just a man having sex with a man. The crossdressing just adds to that - makes me feel more feminine - but male sex for me is about being passive, a little dominated.
So the next question is: does it matter? Whether I'm bi or just a pretty much straight guy who likes the male body (in particular the cock) - does it matter?
To a certain extent yes, to me it does. After my teens and wrestling with my feelings about guys, finally accepting (and then feeling comfortable) with the label "bi", and then in recent years wondering if there's even more to it that that? I guess it's that part of me that wants to know "where I belong", to not feel like I'm on my own. Sure there are trans folk, gay folk, bi... I've just never met anyone "just like me". I'd love to - and not just for sex!
Thursday, 8 September 2016
Naked Attraction
There's a TV show in the UK at the moment called Naked Attraction. It's like a blind-date show but the gimmick is that the "contestants" are behind screens in booths and are slowly revealed to the person choosing, with each round one contestant being removed. And they're totally naked.
Feet, upto the waist (including what's between their legs - nothing hidden), upto the neck, then the face and finally we get to hear them speak. Each round someone is removed and finally there's 2 left - at which point the chooser gets naked and finally picks one after hearing what the two think of them. Non-UK folks might be surprised to hear it's on one of our 4 mainstream channels!
D and I have been watching it from the start. I've loved being able to enjoy the view of both genders. And D... after the initial "none of them have a pussy like mine!" she's really gotten into it, and has apparently also been enjoying both genders too. Last week while talking to someone she knows who's questioning their own sexuality at the moment, she said that after watching the show - and really *looking* at other women for the first time - she thinks that women's bodies are more attractive than men's.
I felt an instant stirring in my pants when I heard that! It'd be a litterally dream come true if she discovered that she was bisexual like me. She's been "curious" for a while but never done anything about it. Maybe the time is approaching!
We have a few people coming round Friday night, among whom are my friend who's a lesbian and her wife (let's call her P). Ever since first meeting P D has said she finds her attractive - but I'm 99% sure my friend wouldn't be up for letting her wife get it on with mine (and it's definitely too close to home!). But I'm positive that after everyone's gone home and we get to bed the subject of P will come up while we're getting intimate. I'm willing to bet that D'll bring it up.
So I'm considering a role reversal. In all our swinging discussion we started with the idea of finding a guy for me, and that led to meeting a couple (where she may or may not try girl-on-girl). So why not go the other way: leave me out of it for once and setup a profile for her on a lesbian site? She's always said she'd be very picky; it'd have to be someone she found very attractive if she ever played with another girl. So why not let her find someone she likes and... well, see if she likes it? I wouldn't even insist on being present (though that would be amazing!).
The ideal outcome would be she meets someone and they go to bed, she realises she's bi and wants more, then the world of bisexual couple swinging is wide open to us. I guess the flipside is she could decide she's actually gay and then we're over. But I'm genuinely thinking it'd be worth that risk.
Feet, upto the waist (including what's between their legs - nothing hidden), upto the neck, then the face and finally we get to hear them speak. Each round someone is removed and finally there's 2 left - at which point the chooser gets naked and finally picks one after hearing what the two think of them. Non-UK folks might be surprised to hear it's on one of our 4 mainstream channels!
D and I have been watching it from the start. I've loved being able to enjoy the view of both genders. And D... after the initial "none of them have a pussy like mine!" she's really gotten into it, and has apparently also been enjoying both genders too. Last week while talking to someone she knows who's questioning their own sexuality at the moment, she said that after watching the show - and really *looking* at other women for the first time - she thinks that women's bodies are more attractive than men's.
I felt an instant stirring in my pants when I heard that! It'd be a litterally dream come true if she discovered that she was bisexual like me. She's been "curious" for a while but never done anything about it. Maybe the time is approaching!
We have a few people coming round Friday night, among whom are my friend who's a lesbian and her wife (let's call her P). Ever since first meeting P D has said she finds her attractive - but I'm 99% sure my friend wouldn't be up for letting her wife get it on with mine (and it's definitely too close to home!). But I'm positive that after everyone's gone home and we get to bed the subject of P will come up while we're getting intimate. I'm willing to bet that D'll bring it up.
So I'm considering a role reversal. In all our swinging discussion we started with the idea of finding a guy for me, and that led to meeting a couple (where she may or may not try girl-on-girl). So why not go the other way: leave me out of it for once and setup a profile for her on a lesbian site? She's always said she'd be very picky; it'd have to be someone she found very attractive if she ever played with another girl. So why not let her find someone she likes and... well, see if she likes it? I wouldn't even insist on being present (though that would be amazing!).
The ideal outcome would be she meets someone and they go to bed, she realises she's bi and wants more, then the world of bisexual couple swinging is wide open to us. I guess the flipside is she could decide she's actually gay and then we're over. But I'm genuinely thinking it'd be worth that risk.
Wednesday, 7 September 2016
Vodka and lube
I got the faintest little grin from the woman at the checkout of my local supermarket when I bought vodka and lube on my way home from work on Wednesday.
I was getting ready for my 2 nights home alone with new clothes to try out and feeling a little excited! Though unfortunately it got cut short and I only had the one night to myself which I didn't find out til Thursday morning, so this is the only picture I took (thinking "I'll get photos tomorrow")
I'm usually a beer drinker, but I have the best solo-sex when I'm quite drunk and full of energy - so vodka and coke was the order of the night!
My new clothing was waiting for me when I got home but I had some food and a bath before trying them on, shaving from the face down to my knees.
The bra-top was exactly as I'd hoped and fitted perfectly (size 14 and stretchy so there was no "lack of boobs" problem). The micro-skirt was a little shorter than expected but still felt lovely to wear... my favourite brand of "tall girl" holdup stockings ran all the way to the top of my thighs and looked great with it.
I love walking around the house when I'm dressed up. I toyed with the idea of makeup but decided against. I wore my wig for a while (short brunette bob cut) and spent some time posing in the mirror. The clothes (as always) just felt so natural on me... I love seeing myself dressed up. I'd love to spend the evening with a guy dressed identically to me - stockings on stockings feels so good! And the skirt was so short that I wouldn't even need to hike it up; either on my back or all fours it'd be perfect for letting a guy fuck me.
But I also bought another new item which I was keen to try so I stripped off and got changed. This photo's from the website I bought it from:
But it did feel amazing to wear, and I spent the rest of the night in it. Infact, after an evening of porn (mostly bi MMF) and some time on a gay chat site I finally went to bed wearing it and woke still feeling very horny. Still quite lubed from the evening's fun I quickly grabbed my favourite toy and suction-cupped it to a small plastic storage box that lives in the bedroom and raised my legs, placed it in front of my rear, then hooked my legs over the box so my heels could push back against it.
I was still half asleep so it was easy to fantasise that a real cock was slowly penetrating me as I impaled myself on it then slowly began to rock myself against it...
No bum orgasm but it felt good, particularly in my new clothes, and eventually I came the traditional way - though with barely a touch to my cock.
I can't wait to wear it again!
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